When white friends don’t believe what blacks go through, they’re not friends

sonofbaldwin:

‘Forty-five percent of blacks say they have experienced racial discrimination by the police at some point in their lives; virtually no whites say they have,’ according to a recent New York Times/CBS News nationwide poll. (I’m shocked the 45 percent figure isn’t higher, considering the stories African Americans tell each other all the time.) So when I share the trauma of that particular incident and so many like it – fraught interactions that may have involved a son (stopped driving a nice car in our nice neighborhood), nephew or friend – I expect, first of all, that I will be believed.

Yet whites are, frequently, disappointingly, incredulous. Very often a
‘friend’s’ reaction that goes something like this: ‘I don’t think a police officer would stop anyone for no reason at all.’ Or: ‘You must have done something suspicious.’ Or my favorite: ‘If you haven’t done anything wrong, you don’t have anything to worry about.’ I am not some child coming home with some tall tale, and I am certainly not a delusional liar.

I don’t expect much. Just nodding and acknowledging my words would be enough. Instead, jumping in to explain what must have really happened before I can finish a sentence means that – whether you realize it or not – you’ve shattered an important bond and traveled the distance from friend to acquaintance. I smile, make a mental note, and change the subject, realizing that with this person, topics from now on will be limited to rating entrées at the latest neighborhood bistro or judging whether the new Scorsese film shows the master back in top form.

The instantaneous defensiveness, that incessant need to find some “other cause,” that instinctive desire to protect Whiteness and eliminate anti-black racism as a cause for anything and everything is so telling.

They’ll try to rationalize it in any way possible, including gaslighting you, not realizing that this pathological and predictable behavior reveals so much more about them than it does about us.

And it’s all intentional. It’s to preserve their innocence, which is to say, their Whiteness.

That’s why it’s crucial for us not to back down or change the subject or accommodate their comforts and illusions in any way.

‪#‎WhenRacistsTellYouWhoTheyAre‬ ‪#‎BelieveThemTheFirstTime‬

(via captoring)